If Every Arsenal Player Was A Pokemon
by Josh Sippie
Hector Bellerin – Ponyta
screenshot from Netflix streaming
A flaming horse? Oh, you must mean Hector Bellerin.
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Horses are fast and if I was a betting man, I would wager that horses are even faster when they are on fire. Or maybe they just look faster. Either way, Hector Bellerin often resembles a flaming horse on the pitch, given his speed and gallop.
Calling Bellerin an un-evolved flaming pony may seem like a slight on how massive he has been for Arsenal, but consider him a level 36 Ponyta. Only 4 levels away from being a Rapidash. Those can run at 150 miles per hour. Can’t wait for that.
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<p>Tasked with catching every single Pokemon in the world and evolving them to greatness, Arsene Wenger and Arsenal are quite similar to Ash Ketchum already. Wenger has a collection of youngsters that he hopes to evolve into the next Thierry Henry, the next Patrick Vieira or the next Dennis Bergkamp. He needs his Mewtwo, his Blastoise and his Charizard.</p>
<p>I’m not sure where it came from, but we here at Pain in the Arsenal began a think tank to associate every Arsenal player with the Pokemon that most resembles their characteristics. It may seem pointless and foolish, but everyone loved Pokemon at some point in life and whether they know it or not, everyone loves Arsenal as well. Bringing the two together was inevitable. It was a match made from common sense.</p>
<p>Over the next few slides, we will reveal which players on the team still need to evolve, which players have reached their final stage and which players require an impossible task to ever hit their maximum stage (who trades Pokemon across game links anyway?).</p>
<p>By the end of this epic extravaganza, you will wish that substitutions were introduced by Arsene Wenger saying in his deep, French accent “Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, I choose you!”</p>
<p>Now put on you pokeball belt, grab some potions, and take a gander at the mass of Pokemon that Pokemaster Arsene Wenger has collected at Arsenal at this stage in his journey to catch’em all.</p>
<p>(All bios provided by <a href=https://paininthearsenal.com/2015/11/28/if-every-arsenal-player-was-a-pokemon/4/"http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Main_Page">Bulbopedia)
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<p>The main complaint about Ospina has been his communication problems. I, for one, have never spoken to a jellyfish. But I would imagine it is pretty difficult.</p>
<p>Yet, for a No. 2 keeper, he is a solid choice. He may have had a rare error against Olympiakos but like I said, he only has tentacles. You cannot exactly buff up your tentacles. At least not to my knowledge.</p>
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<p>Slowbro is peaceful and prefers not to fight. That being said, when called into action, he is very effective in putting down most opponents out there.</p>
<p>This association is by no means an insult to Mertesacker. Slowbro is able to harness psychic abilities to overpower opponents. Consider that a clever analogy for Mertesacker’s intelligence and positioning at Arsenal.</p>
<p>But he is still slow.</p>
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<p>Calum Chambers has the potential to be something special. He was bought from Southampton for £16 million as a 19-year old. That is something to brag about. Still just 20 years old, he can often times look like a tadpole in the ocean.</p>
<p>However, with the improvements that he has made, consider Chambers a level 20 Poliwag. In a mere 5 levels he will evolve into a Poliwhirl and after that – Poliwrath. The future of the Arsenal defense involves a Rhydon and a Poliwrath in the center of defense. Sign me up.</p>
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<p>Coquelin does not let anyone get to Rhydon, Slowbro or Golem unscathed. On the off chance that they do get through, they are going to be sick, poisoned, broken or wilting.</p>
<p>What more could you want in a defensive midfielder? While he does not get forward on offense because he has a knack for contaminating the ball as well, he is ever-present in the defense. As we have learned from his absences, life is not easy without a slimy puddle of filth at the base of the midfield.</p>
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<p>When things get unpleasant, Jack Wilshere, and Growlithe too, will let out a roar to flush out the opposition and then get to work chasing that opponent out of Arsenal town.</p>
<p>Growlithe also has a very keen memory and never forgets a grudge. One Growlithe was even seen at a victory parade trash talking a Meowth from on top of the tour bus. Call it a perfect match.</p>
<p>One day, Arsenal will wield Arcanine in the middle of the pitch. A flaming inferno of a canine. All they need to do is keep Jack Wilshere healthy.</p>
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!["screenshot"](https://paininthearsenal.com/2015/11/28/if-every-arsenal-player-was-a-pokemon/4/"https://images2.minutemediacdn.com/image/fetch/c_fill,g_auto,f_auto,h_720,w_1280/https%3A%2F%2Fpaininthearsenal.com%2Ffiles%2F2015%2F09%2Fbulbasaur.png")
Fabrizio Romano confirms Arsenal interest in Girona star
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<p>Known to be incredibly loyal, Bulbsaur will always be an Arsenal quadruped. He does not appear in the wild, making him incredibly rare.</p>
<p>Most Arsenal fans out there will be able to tell you that there are not many players out there like the Ox. With speed, physicality, technical ability and work rate, there really is nothing that the Ox cannot do. He just needs to develop himself more and evolve into an Ivysaur to get his stardom started.</p>
<div class="next-post amp-get-next-post lg slider"><a class="location" data-track="shortcode" data-track-action="next-post-shortcode" href=https://paininthearsenal.com/2015/11/28/if-every-arsenal-player-was-a-pokemon/4/"#"><span class="next amp-next-post-teaser">Next: </span><span class="amp-get-next-post">Danny Welbeck</span></a></div><!—pageview_candidate—><hr id="pagebreak"><h3 style="font-size:34px;">Danny Welbeck – Dratini</h3>
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<p>Once a Dragonite, Danny Welbeck will be faster than the speed of sound, travelling at speeds exceeding 1,556 mph. He will possess superior intelligence but have the ability to go on unbounded rampages if threatened.</p>
<p>Danny Welbeck really can be something special if he can turn his tiny, serpentine self into the dragon that he is capable of becoming. He is a rare talent and one that requires special attention, but given time, he may be able to reach that end product at Arsenal.</p>
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<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p><!—pageview_candidate—></p>">
